Something to hold on to
by DayDreamingIsMyHobby
Summary: When Maggie gives birth to a healthy baby Daryl can only think of one gift to give to the new Mom. It's something he should have given her a long time ago but he just couldn't bring himself to give up the last thing he has of the girl he still hasn't gotten over. Bethyl One Shot.


_Hi readers! To give you a quick background, I get these vivid ideas in my head of things I wish would happen in the show. Unfortunately I know they never will actually happen so I guess I started writing the ideas down in the form of short stories for self satisfaction. I hope it does the same for you!_

 _This story obviously takes place after Maggie has given birth. Feel free to fill in the gaps as to what happened between the season 8 finale to this moment in your own head. I'm just telling a piece of the story without going into too much background of what came before this moment._

 _Thank you for reading!_

* * *

There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the sun was merciless the day Daryl was told the big news. Maggie's baby was on the way. Daryl felt his whole body tense up immediately and his heart beat just a little bit faster. He had been as nervous about it as everyone else but he was among the remaining few that had just a little bit more to fear. There were only a handful of people left who had been around for the last birth in this new world. The small group wouldn't say it out loud, but they were all terrified about the possibility of a similar ending. Daryl had avoided those thoughts at all costs and was satisfied pretending Maggie would be pregnant forever. But now that the moment was finally here, and he could no longer pretend it wasn't happening, there was only one thing he could do, completely distract himself from any fear he might have about it. So instead of running to the good doctor's house like everyone else, Daryl went to find a good spot to skin the rabbit he had caught that morning. They would come get him when he was needed but until then, this was the most helpful thing he could think of to do.

It felt as if a year had passed before Rick finally came to find him. Daryl let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding when he saw the big smile on the man's tired face.

"Come meet the newest member of the family." Rick slapped Daryl on the back and practically dragged him to the house.

* * *

Daryl's body finally relaxed when he saw for himself Maggie's tiny form and the even tinier bundle in her arms. He felt himself almost smile knowing Mom and baby were healthy and happy. Good news didn't come around these parts often anymore but when they did, it was certainly something to celebrate. The room was normally a comfortable size, but with the large group squeezing their way in, it felt like a closet at best. Everyone's coos and awes echoed throughout the room magnifying the sound to practically an unbearable level. Daryl was happy and all and was making his best effort to show it but he felt like he was going to suffocate. There were too many damn people in the room and he didn't know how Maggie could stand it.

After he got a good look at the baby, Daryl broke from the group gathered around the bed and leaned back against the door. He could see plenty from here, no need to be in Maggie's face. He was so lost in his own thoughts he almost didn't notice the short haired woman who decided to join him next to the door.

"Amazing isn't it?" Carol briefly glanced at Daryl before looking back at Maggie, "Never thought we would bring another baby into this new world of ours."

"Yeah it's somethin' " Daryl mumbled shifting his eyes between the sleeping baby and the proud Mama. He was trying his best to be supportive and stick around but it was so damn crowded and stuffy and there was only so much time spent indoors he could handle.

The giggles and baby-talk voices were soon interrupted by a voice Daryl didn't recognize calling out, "Is it a boy or girl, Maggie?"

Maggie smiled up at whoever spoke and looked back down at her little bundle of joy.

"She's a girl." Maggie kissed the top of her tiny head.

"Do you have a name picked out yet." Rosita asked as she leaned over to stroke the baby's face.

Maggie nodded not taking her eyes off of her daughter. "Yes, I've decided to name her Beth."

Just as the name left Maggie's lips Daryl felt his heart stop and all other sounds were drowned out by the sudden ringing in his ears. He hadn't heard her name in so long he didn't know it could still have this kind of effect on him. His entire body felt numb until he felt a small rough hand gently grab his own. He didn't need to look to know it was Carol. He was grateful for her keeping him standing once again.

"That's beautiful, Maggie." Rick wrapped an arm around her shoulders, "A great way to remember your sister."

Daryl needed to leave. He didn't even care how awkward it would look, he just had to get out. Without a second glance, Daryl turned towards the door and stumbled out of the room.

He had no idea where he planned to go but he knew he need to get fresh air and be as far from that house as possible. His racing thoughts were quickly interrupted by Carol's voice calling out,

"Daryl! Daryl stop!"

Daryl turned to face her but had nothing to say.

"Are you okay?"

Daryl kicked at the dirt trying to avoid her eyes.

"Fine. It was just too damn hot in there. Couldn't breath."

Carol didn't say anything in return. He knew she could tell he was lying. And he knew she understood why. She was one of the only people left in this world who truly understood this part of him even without any explanation.

"Want to come back to my house?" Carol asked Daryl gently, "I can make you something to eat."

Daryl shook his head, "Nah. Got stuff to do."

With that Daryl turned away from her and went on his way, not giving her time to try to change his mind.

* * *

Daryl had wandered around aimlessly for quite some time before he found himself sitting behind the place he had learned to call home. He rested his head against the trunk of a tree and finally was able to start getting his thoughts back in order.

So much time had past since they had lost Beth. He couldn't understand why just hearing her name could make him feel like the world was crashing down on him. They had lost so many people, so many people he had come to love and call his family, but she was different. Something about losing her destroyed Daryl. He would never admit to anyone the weeks of sleepless nights he had, all because whenever he closed his eyes he saw her getting shot over and over again. He could never tell even those closest to him the amount of times he caused physical pain on himself just to try to take away an ounce of the emotional pain he felt. And until now, he would never confess to himself that despite all this time, and the great amount of effort, he still hadn't gotten over her.

Daryl reached into his back pocket desperately hoping he still had at least one cigarette left from his last run. As if the universe wanted to keep shitting on him, he found the pack completely empty. Disappointed but needing something to do with his hands, Daryl began slowly tearing the empty box into small shreds.

After a few more moments of self pity, Daryl's thoughts drifted back to Maggie. He felt like an asshole storming out like that. He had no right. Beth was Maggie's sister after all and if she wanted to name her child after her then that was her choice. She deserved to have a piece of her sister.

Daryl's fingers immediately stopped tearing when that thought danced across his mind. Maggie didn't have anything to remember her sister by, but Daryl did. He suddenly felt a wave of guilt crash over him. He had no right to have something that had belonged to her when Maggie had nothing.

The guilt was suddenly replaced by an unbearable pain in Daryl's chest and he hated himself for the selfishness that took hold of him. He didn't want to give it away, he couldn't, it was all that he had left. But he harshly reminded himself that it wouldn't be right. He never deserved to have it in the first place. He was lucky he was able to keep it as long as he had.

Before he could try to stop himself, Daryl stood up and forced himself towards the house.

He had to get this over with now or he would never be able to do it.

* * *

The sun was setting just as Daryl finally got up enough courage to knock on the door to Maggie's home. What was surely only a minute or two felt like an eternity before he saw the door open. Enid glanced up and Daryl saw the pure shock flash across her eyes. He was probably the last person she expected to be visiting the new Mom.

"Hey Daryl… Did you want to see Maggie?"

"Yeah, if that's alright…"

"Yes, of course it is." Enid quickly stepped back from the door allowing Daryl to step in "She's just down the hall. Let me know if you need anything."

Daryl felt like he was walking through mud as he headed down the hall. He felt like an intruder, like he wasn't suppose to be here, but despite the unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach, he knew it was something he had to do. Daryl took a deep breath before lightly tapping on the door, half hoping it would go unheard.

"Come in."

Daryl hesitated for a moment, he still had a chance to back out of this stupid idea. He could turn around now and Maggie would never need to know why he came by. He shook those thoughts away and finally entered the room. Maggie's eyes were firmly on her child sleeping so peacefully in her arms. Daryl had never seen anything like it. There was almost a light coming from the two of them. When Maggie finally tore her eyes away from her daughter she gave Daryl a warm smile.

"Hey there."

Daryl nodded in response awkwardly fittingly with the object behind his back.

"What brings you here?"

"Sorry 'bout leaving before. Had nothin to do with you."

"No need to be sorry. I'm sure you had your reasons."

Daryl tried to find the words to explain to her why he had needed to leave. Why just hearing her name again brought on such powerful emotions and memories he didn't know how to handle it. But he was never good with words and he could tell by the deep sadness in Maggie's eyes that she somehow knew the reason. Daryl looked down towards the floor trying to find the strength within him to do what he came here to do.

"I uh… I brought you something'. Well brought the baby something…And you, it's for you too."

Daryl pulled the item wrapped in an old t-shirt from behind his back and slowly reached it out towards her. Maggie carefully placed the new baby in the crib next to the bed before reaching out at Daryl's out stretched hand. With the care of someone opening a perfectly wrapped gift, Maggie slowly undid the layers of the t-shirt.

Daryl swallowed the lump in his throat as the last layer of t-shirt was pulled away and a knife in a brown leather case was revealed. Maggie slowly picked it up and examined it. Her silence made Daryl feel like a child who had given a drawing to a parent who had no idea what it was suppose to be.

"It's very nice, Daryl. But kind of a strange gift to give to a baby." Maggie grinned at him teasingly.

Daryl cleared his throat uncomfortably. "It was uh… It was her knife." he hesitated not knowing if he had it in him to say her name out loud. "It was Beth's knife."

Maggie's eyes grew wide as this gift suddenly gained a whole new meaning to her. She turned the knife around in her hands several times and ran her fingers along the edges of the case.

"This was Beth's knife?"

Daryl's mouth was too dry to speak so he could only nod in response. He could see the tears coming to Maggie's eyes and he cursed himself for not knowing what to say to her.

"How did you get it?"

Daryl looked away from Maggie and towards the baby who now shared a name with someone he missed more than he thought possible.

"Carol gave it to me after the hospital. After…You know. She probably should have given it to you but I guess… I dunno, she just gave it to me." Daryl bit the inside of his cheek hoping it would stop the emotion he could feel building in his chest. "I shoulda given it to you sooner but I just wanted to hang onto it."

There was a moment or two of silence. Daryl shifted uncomfortably contemplating slipping out the door while she was distracted but Maggie interrupted his thoughts.

"You really miss her don't you?"

Daryl looked over at Maggie but had to quickly look away when he saw the tears streaking down her face. Daryl needed to leave. He couldn't be in this room anymore. He did what he came here to do and that was all. He turned to leave and had barely taken a step towards the door when Maggie's broken voice forced him to stop.

"You didn't give up on her. You were the only one who kept looking for her. I didn't even look and she was my own sister." Maggie choked back a sob.

Daryl couldn't hear this, he didn't want to talk about it, but he couldn't leave her alone like this. How was he suppose to walk out on Maggie twice in the same day. He tried to think up something comforting to say but his thoughts were a jumbled mess.

"You told me you were with her for a while." Maggie managed to say in-between sobs, "What happened with you two? What made you care so much?"

Daryl bit his tongue. He didn't want to talk about it. He hadn't thought about his time spent with her in a long time. He had never stopped missing her but he learned to hide the memories away. Not thinking about her was the only way to make the pain stop. He was normally pretty good at distracting himself, but this was too much. He hoped Maggie would get the hint from his silence and just let him leave but he had no such luck.

"Daryl, please look at me."

He felt the sudden urge to just walk out. There was no reason for him to stay here. There was nothing he could possibly say to her to comfort her or give her answers to any questions she might have. Daryl tried to leave but to no avail, it felt like his feet were glued to the floor.

"I got nothin else to say, Maggie. Just take good care of the knife."

"Daryl, please."

Maggie was one of the strongest woman Daryl knew so to hear her pleading to him broke him somehow. He grumbled under his breath before slowly turning towards her tiny form desperately clutching the knife as if it were her sister herself.

"You were the last person from the group to be with her."

"Carol was." Daryl interrupted hoping it would change the subject.

"No, I mean the last person to actually spend time with her. It was just the two of you. What happened?"

"I already told you," Daryl grumbled through gritted teeth "She got taken by them a few weeks after we all got separated at the prison."

"I mean what happened in between the prison and her being taken." Maggie was looking at him so intently it made him uncomfortable. She continued her thought before he could think of a response.

"It seems like she meant a lot to you. You two were together for such a short time and you barely spoke to each other before we all got separated." Maggie paused trying to gather her thoughts, "It's just, you two were the last people in the world I expected to get so close. Something must have happened between you two to make you care this much. We've lost so many people these past few years, but I've never see you the way you were when we lost Beth."

Daryl's throat felt like it was closing up and his heart was racing. He hated that his emotions had come through so clearly to people. They must have thought he was some heart broken, love sick puppy. He was disgusted with himself.

"I dunno what you want me to say, Maggie."

"If you can't talk about what happened…Just tell me about my sister. Tell me what you remember about her."

Daryl felt the heat rise to the back of his neck and he had the awkward feeling of not knowing what he was suppose to do with his hands so he shoved them in his pockets. What could he possibly say? How could he properly convey how much she meant to him, how she changed him, how the little time they spent together felt like a lifetime and yet not enough time at all, how could he explain to her the feelings he had when he didn't quite know what they were himself. Daryl finally thought of the one word he could think of to describe Beth as best as he could.

"She was special. She was a good person." Daryl looked down at the floor to try and fight the overwhelming amount of memories pouring back into him. "She changed me. She made me see things in a way I never saw before."

Daryl cleared his throat hoping Maggie would use this opportunity to interrupt him, but she didn't so the words kept pouring out of Daryl and he couldn't stop them.

"She thought this shit world was still a beautiful place. She could still laugh, and smile and see the good in people. She made me feel things I never felt before." Daryl forced himself to stop there, he had said enough, too much. He looked everywhere but Maggie's knowing gaze, trying hard to avoid her eyes.

"She was always like that. She was always that sweet, hopeful girl. I thought this world would change her but it didn't." Maggie finally said.

At that Daryl finally looked at her straight in the eye, "It did change her but not in a bad way. She got stronger and tougher. She asked me to teach her how to hunt and track. She wanted to learn how to take care of herself. That's what makes her special. She learned to live in this world but didn't let it break her."

"You changed too, Daryl." Maggie smiled at him "You've learned to care about people, became part of a family, you've grown so much. I guess you and Beth taught each other a lot."

Daryl's lips curled up into about as much of a smile as he could manage. "Wish I coulda learned more from her. I wish she was still here."

"You ever try talking to her?"

Daryl looked at Maggie like she had three heads. "She's dead. How the hell am I suppose to talk to her?"

"She's still here in spirit. I talk to Glenn all the time and I know he's looking down at his baby girl right now with that stupid grin of his. I know he can't wait to meet her someday when this is all over."

Daryl crossed his arms and leaned against one of the bed posts. "You still think there is something after this?"

Maggie stared at Daryl long and hard, "I have to. It's the only thing that keeps me going."

Daryl held Maggie's gaze for one more moment before he had to look away and shrug. "Wouldn't have anything to say."

"I'm sure you'll think of something." Daryl heard the baby's soft coos as Maggie stroked her daughter's short, dark hair, "It helps, Daryl. Believe me. Try it."

Daryl looked back over at the small bundle in the crib. "We'll see."

Maggie rolled her eyes at his stubbornness. "How Beth put up with you I'll never know."

Daryl chuckled at that, "You and me both."

"I hope one day you'll tell me more about the time you spent with my sister. It would be nice to hear stories about her. My last good memories of her are from back at the prison."

Daryl nodded slightly and looked at the floor, "Yeah maybe sometime." Daryl's voice lowered to practically a whisper, "Maybe when it doesn't hurt so bad to think about her."

Daryl felt Maggie's sharp eyes examining him, he was no mind reader but she looked like she was looking through him somehow. As if she were examining his deepest thoughts. It made him shift uncomfortably and once again want to leave.

Maggie finally spoke after an excruciating long minute, "You should keep the knife, Daryl."

His eyes found Maggie's immediately, "What?"

"You should keep it, for now at least. What's baby Beth going to do with a knife anyhow?" Maggie laughed warmly before continuing, "You hold onto it and when she's old enough you can give it back to her and teach her how to use it, and how to hunt, and track… Just like how you taught our Beth."

Daryl felt tears come to his eyes so he quickly cleared his throat and blinked them away.

"You sure?"

"Very sure." Maggie nodded firmly before wrapping the knife back up in the old t-shirt.

Daryl tried to hide the shake in his hands by grabbing the knife back quickly.

"Uh, thanks. I'll take good care of it."

Maggie smiled at him, "I know you will. Just like you took good care of my sister."

Daryl smiled sadly down at the floor. "Nah, your sister took real good care of me. More than I deserved."

* * *

A short while later Daryl found himself deep in the woods, surrounded by nothing but trees and silence. Just the way he liked it.

Daryl tenderly held Beth's knife in his hands, handling it as if it could break. His eyes tracing over every detail like he had done so many times in the past. The tightness in his chest was back and he could feel the lump in his throat. It still hurt. He hated to admit it but the pain of losing her was still as strong as ever. Like a deep wound that kept getting re-opened. Daryl glanced over his shoulder and around his general area double checking to make sure he was absolutely, completely alone. He closed his eyes and focused on the silence around him. He felt his mouth go dry as he opened it to speak,

"Hey Beth… It's uh, me, Daryl."

His eyes shot open and he looked around again. Immediately feeling stupid for trying this little exercise Maggie suggested. What a pathetic, idiotic idea. How was this suppose to help? As Daryl clutched his fist he was reminded of her knife still laying in his hands. As he looked down on it, a strange warm feeling of comfort fell over him.

"I met your niece today. Maggie named her after you, but she looks nothin like you." Daryl's thumb absentmindedly stroked the handle as he continued, "She's surrounded by a lot of good people, she's gonna be real loved. Tell Glenn that Maggie's gonna make a great Mom."

Daryl sat in silence for moment as his mind began piecing together a picture of her face.

"I promise I'll take good care of her. Won't be as good as when you took care of Little Ass Kicker, but I'll protect her. I'll make sure she's safe." Daryl swallowed hard as he tried to stop the tears from coming to his eyes.

"I miss you, Beth. I miss you so damn much."

A few tears leaked from Daryl's eyes but he quickly wiped them away. Strangely enough he felt his shoulders relax a little as if a weight had been lifted off. Maggie's crazy idea actually worked, he did feel a little better. Maybe it was stupid and maybe he wasn't speaking to anyone but that little spark of hope that maybe she was here and listening to him, that just maybe when this shit world was over he would see her again, it made him feel like there was a reason to go on.

Daryl carefully placed the knife back at his hip, made sure his eyes were dry, and stood back up to head home. He wasn't sure if he would ever make a point to come out here again to have a one way conversation. But maybe if he found himself thinking about her and feeling alone, maybe he would say hi.

 **The End**


End file.
